Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
