Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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