I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
