she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
