Swine flu. Run for my life!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
