she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
