I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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