I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
a search helicopter?!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
