remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
