I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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