so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
