Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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