the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
