using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
ok first of all what the fuck
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize