i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
