Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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