i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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