No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
