i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
