I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
