just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
