dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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