Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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