dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also, beer. Big fan.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
