Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
