Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
