I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm passing your future prison.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
