Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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