and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
