I just made out with a guy for $7.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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