bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
