dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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