Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
