the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
