I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
