Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Enjoy the penises
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
