I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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