nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
