I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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