wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
