I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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