I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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