Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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