I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
there is glitter all over my balls
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
