you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
