Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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