If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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