Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
my nose is crying tears of wow.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
