I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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