I cockslap morals
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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