Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
