cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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