I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
