Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
love makes seman taste better
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Help. Why am I so naked?
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