you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
