those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
