Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think my tv is drunk
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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