Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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