Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
