Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she smelled like a LAN party
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
