A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
