How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
