that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
