I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize