My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
