Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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