When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
